So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize