you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize