Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize