last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize