just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
