FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
