Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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