just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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