and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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