tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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