Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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