Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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