I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
