I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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