I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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