I bet he comes in French.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
