How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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