I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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