Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
