Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
