i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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