if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
