You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
