I'm pants shitting drunk right now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
