i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize