Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
