dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize