Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
