i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
