Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
