whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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