bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize