No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
