how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
