Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
