Small penises have feelings too.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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