I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
