I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
