Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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