i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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