do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
