If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
