How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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