she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
