if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize