Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Less talking, more tequila
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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