Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
