Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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