I am spending my child support on dildos
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
