Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
