i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
