i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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