Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize