There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
