Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
