I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
