zippers are such a cool invention
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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