my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
