I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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