Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
