Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
