I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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