Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
