her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
