He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
