That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
