Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
