If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
