I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize