i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
